The Healing Power of Posing in your Panties
Never in my life did I think that one day I would find myself posing for boudoir photos in sexy lingerie. Yet here we are. And I couldn’t be more chuffed.
COW! FATTY! DISGUSTING! UGLY!
Just some of the things yelled at me over the years. Those words have echoed in my head for my entire life. I was told I was unworthy, undeserving, lazy, hideous, and unwanted. The more insults I heard over the years the more I believed them. I thought they were right and saw exactly that when I looked in the mirror. I gave up on myself and I regret doing that. I put myself through suffering over someone else’s words. I allowed those words to impact me and take away my quality of life. By realizing this, I realized I was the only one who could rebuild myself. There had to be a point where I let those words go, because they were just that — words.
I’ve been on a journey to discover self-love for the past several years. I’ve learned to embrace parts of me that I hated before. I’ve learned to live my life loudly and unapologetically, and it has made me a much happier and healthier person. Still, I’m always looking for opportunities to push myself further and find new ways to see myself that reinforce a positive self-image.
The beginning of a beautiful friendship
Earlier this year, in moment of beautiful serendipity, I met Jennifer McCready of Lady Luck Pin Ups at an industry event. We connected right away and I knew in that moment I was on the threshold of another important step in my journey.
Lady Luck is a complete pinup experience — offering packages of pinup or boudoir photos complete with makeup, hair, wardrobe, props, and coaching. The company’s mission is to help every woman feel amazing about herself. Since this mirrors Kitty Canuck’s mission of helping women to find self-love and self-confidence through the power of retail therapy, this is a match made in heaven.
Planning my Boudoir Photos
A few months after that first chance encounter, I booked a shoot with Jennifer and began planning my boudoir photos. I wanted to address how I felt about the words that had been spewed at me over the years and finally feel sexy. I wanted to drop the baggage and move forward, as these words still clung on and occasionally surfaced on bad days.
“Surely the true definition of courage is to do the thing you are afraid to do”
It came to me one day as I was scanning through all the great images of body positive bloggers, and women online. Balloon therapy and Bettie Page! I know, a strange mashup right? I love Bettie Page and how iconic and sexy she was. I wanted to feel that way, it was a terrifying thought getting in front of a camera in lingerie, but that was why I had to do it, I had to push myself outside of my comfort zone. As Georgia Binnie Clark (1871-1947) a Canadian Farmer, feminist, and journalist said “Surely the true definition of courage is to do the thing you are afraid to do”. She was right. it was something that I certainly don’t regret doing at all, and an experience I’ll never forget.
Shooting my boudoir photos
Now you’re probably wondering what the deal with the balloons is. Well, this is how I was going to let go of those hateful things said to me and that I’d said to myself. The day of the shoot came and I woke up nervous, but excited and ready to take on the challenge. I arrived early and we began to plan out the shoot. I’d brought red balloons and markers to write with and began writing the first words off the top of my head that I struggled with the most. “FAT” was the first one to surface, then “COW”, and “UGLY”. We kept going until we had a dozen balloons, and we probably could have kept going. It was therapeutic writing out those words, knowing that we were going to destroy them later!
We began the shoot and I can’t tell you how freeing it was. I was in front of a camera in my most vulnerable state and it was ok. The world didn’t end and I felt great about it and myself! I found myself laughing about these words I’d given power to for so long and I was truly enjoying myself. I was surrounded by balloons and showing my power over them. It was time to start the destruction! I had to send these words on their way by treating them just as violently as they treated me over the years.
High heels and Catharsis
I grabbed the “UGLY” balloon, a word so many give power to. NO MORE and with that I stabbed it with a knife. POP! Bits of red balloon exploded into my lap. That’s for every time I believed I was ugly or said it to myself.
I grabbed “COW” and POP! That’s for all the times I didn’t wear sleeveless shirts because I hated my arms! We kept going until I was surrounded by the last remnants of red balloons covered with bits of ink. With the last POP I felt such joy and pride. That’s for all the times I berated myself and let others determine my happiness! Like that I felt the closure I needed, the bags dropped away and I’d left them behind in that pile of rubber bits. I’m not perfect, and I still have my tough days and fight with my self confidence, but I’d challenged myself and let the sexy and beautiful woman out. She was always there, but I discovered she was weighted down by the words she dwelled on and gave power to.
If you’ve ever thought about getting boudoir photos done, stop contemplating and just do it. Find yourself a professional who can bring out your best and I guarantee it will be a positive, healing experience. If you’re not too far from the Niagara region, you will not find a better photographer for your boudoir photos than Lady Luck.